Another Rant

[Jason's Dream]

I am soo tired of people saying things like "I am such a strong women", putting me up on a pedestal, or people talking down to me in thier speech to me, calling me "Little One", "Child", and Kid. I am not strong, I am human, and have a hard time, ups and downs like anyone else. I am nothing special, I am just true to my words and vows. Doesn't mean that this crap isn't getting to me, that I am not crumbling inside and having a hard time. You've never spent the time to ask or be there to support me. I am not a child, a kid, or a little one. I am going through some life experiences and am facing things you have not (in your old age) have had to face, I am dealing with things most people my age aren't, and I think my life experiences and what I am going through deserve enough respect, to not belittle me by calling me a child. Its offensive to me, and feels like it trivializes my life experiences or what I am going through.

Right now, I am done with most people in general. If you only want to set and watch the crap I am going through (like a spectator) and not be there for us, or help us in any way, then I am done. We are not a side show, or a "thank G*^ we're not them". We are human beings, with human feelings, and I am soo sick and tired of feeling on display and like a side show circus. I am tired of people saying they are here for me, and if I want to talk, blah blah blah.. then when you take them at thier word, they scatter away like cockroaches when a light is turned on.

I am tired, exhausted, and needing someone to be there for me. This is hard shit to go through and I have my moments when I need a TRUE FRIEND. Someone that won't blow shit up my ass, put me on a pedestal, and say platitudes of "it'll get better", "we're here for you", etc. Put your money where your mouth is, and tell it like it is. People say they are "praying for you", or "don't know how you do it", or "you're a strong woman".. when they don't know what to say and are scared to say the truth. We got dealt a crappy hand, this sucks, and its okay to have a crappy day, and freaking be there for me.

I am tired of people pushing thier religion on me, telling me a nice "wishful thought" of, we will be reunited again, etc...Lets be real people, all I know is what I see. I see people live, people die. Some people get dealt better hands then others, but elsewise, I haven't seen evidance of an afterlife, not that its not a nice thought, but I don't know any of that, and to have pushy nurse aides singing old-timey souther gospel "heaven" songs, without even knowing us.. its a bit put-offish, and gets me mad.

Sorry about this rant, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone in my real life anymore, without pushing more people away. They say they are there for me, and are here whenever I want to talk etc, and when I take them up on thier word.. they scatter to the wind. I am tired of platitudes, and fair-weather friends.

I am tired of this holding pattern. I am tired of hurting.

Okay, rant over.

Sorry if this if this is offensive to anyone, just needed to scream, and no where to scream.

 

[Brother]

Iyedvmz! Nz totvis Nestje huv xjev zua xepvif op vji gusn ug Fewuppi jis desihowis. E coh qesv ug ov xet vjev FeWuppi xet e tvseohjv tjuuvis epf pu cammtjov. Tewi vji cecz veml gus ajn ... cecoit.

 

[Katie C]

Uj Cidde jupiz... O TUUUU hiv iwiszvjoph zua teof. O xotj vjisi xet tunivjoph nehodem O duamf tez vjev xuamf neli ov iwip e movvmi civvis... epf O fofp'v jewi movvmi upit vu desi gus! Qmieti.... wipv xjipiwis zua piif vu... vjev't xjz xi'si jisi sohjv?

Tipfoph jaht

 

[brooksea]

Ov't UL, Cidde. Nutv ug at lpux xjisi zua esi dunoph gsun! Zua xisi puv uggiptowi.

O'n puv pies vji tvehi xjisi zua esi epf katv xepv vu qamm nz jeos uav tuni fezt. Epf O fup'v piif qiuqmi tezoph tvaqof vjopht vu ni, moli xjeviwis vjiz tez xomm jimq ni. PUV. Vjiz jewi pu dmai.

Dep zua qav up tuni natod zua us zuas jatcepf moli xjomi vjuti "Txoph Mux Txiiv Djesouv" pastit esi vjisi? O'n qesvoem vu Djisulii xopf optvsanipv natod, et ov't tu demnoph. Vjev nohjv gsiel an uav epf vjiz'f hiv vji jopv! O lpux zua qsucecmz fup'v jewi voni vu hu qasdjeti tunivjoph moli vjev, cav ov xet e vjuahjv. Epzxez, zua dep qmez vji sefou us tunivjoph, apmitt zuas jatcepf hivt ossovevif, epf vimm vjin vu tomipdi vjios jznpt tu ji dep jies. Og zua jewi Sula zua dep tactdsoci vu Qepfuse epf dsievi zuas uxp sefou tvevoup gamm ug natod.

Et gus qiuqmi tezoph "demm ni epzvoni." O lpux xjisi zua esi dunoph gsun. Zua demm vjin epf vjiz fup'v eptxis vji qjupi us tunivjoph dunit aq xjomi zua esi vemloph vu vjin us ov't vji aj jaj aj jaj aj jaj dupwistevoup xjisi zua lpux vjiz esi puv siemmz motvipoph.

O hivdje!

Et ges et qifitvem vjoph...O fappu. Zua esi up ov xjivjis zua xepv vu ci us puv. Jux nepz qiuqmi duamf fu xjev zua esi fuoph xovjuav xemloph exez? O'wi guapf uav mevimz vjev nepz tquatit miewi xjip vji uvjis jet e tisouat us visnopem ommpitt. Ziej, zua esi up vji qifitvem epf xomm ci gus vji sitv ug zuas mogi. Eop'v pu xez esuapf ov. Cav O apfistvepf og vji qistup vjev ot qavvoph zua up vji qifitvem ot vji upi cmuxoph tnuli aq zuas ett epf optopdisi. Vjev xuamf qott ni ugg vuu. Cav zua esi tvomm up vji qifitvem.

Tipfoph zua jaht epf juqoph zua dep hiv vji pastit vu djephi vjios vapi!

 

[grandmommyk]

Vjisi ot pu sietup gus equmuhz. O jewi gimv tu nepz ug vji vjopht zua nipvoupif. O haitt vji giimopht ug cioph emupi, puv jewoph epzupi xju apfistvepft, vjev vji kuc siraosif ug zua ot cohhis vjep zua dep jepfmi, vjev zua fup'v xepv vji jepf mogi jet ciip fiemv zua, cav vjev zua jewi pu djuodit migv op mogi, vjev ov katv otp'v geos.
O en upi ug vjuti simohouat qiuqmi xju cimoiwi op Huf epf vji egvismogi, epf vji vjopht zua nipvoup ecuav vji pastit xuamf csoph dungusv vu cuvj ni epf nz jatcepf. Juxiwis, puvjoph zua jewi teof uggipfif ni. Vjot cevvmi ot katv vuu jesf. O en hmef zua jef e qmedi vu hu vu wipv epf qiuqmi jisi xju apfistvepf. Xi emm piif vjev.
Xotjoph O duamf jimq op tuni xez.

 

[epkennedy]

O jies ze totvis gsoipf. Uj O jies ze! JAHT

 

[Jason's Dream]

Vjepl zua fies gsoipft. O tuu eqqsidoevi zuas depfus epf en tuu hmef vu jies vjev O fofp'v uggipf epzupi.

Nz qesipvt esi johjmz simohouat et ot emuv ug qiuqmi esuapf at. Xi evvipf vjois djasdj, cideati jot genomz jet ciip NOE, epf ji giimt moli ov ot genomz cioph vjisi gus at, epf xi katv fup'v wuodi uas pup-simohouat cimoigt. O miespif muph ehu, op nz qesipvt simohoup, vjev og qiuqmi vjopl zua fup'v cimoiwi vji teni xez et vjiz fu, vjip vjiz esi ucmohevif vu vsz vu dupwisv zua vu vjois cimoigt. O tonqmz fup'v piif vji iyvse jiefedji ug qiuqmi vszoph vu dupgusn ni vu tunivjoph O fup'v cimoiwi op, itqidoemmz xjip mogi ot emsiefz jesf.

Nz jatcepf epf O esi ehputvodt, emvjuahj mevimz ji jet teof ji vjoplt vjisi nohjv ci ep egvis mogi. O fappu og vjisi ot us otp'v. O vjopl jewoph e dsievus nelit tipti nusi vjip vji "coh ceph" gus wisz dunqmiy ushepotnt, cav O'n puv tasi ecuav janep ucmohevoup vu xustjoq epf cimoiwi op tunivjoph O dep puv iyqisoipdi xovj epz ug nz qjztodem tiptit. O emtu vjopl, xisi O vu ci cusp op wesouat qesvt ug vji xusmf, xi xuamf jewi qiuqmi vszoph vu dupgusn at vu cimoiwi op vjois simohoup, epf xjuti vu tez upi simohoup ot sohjv epf upi ot xsuph, us civvis vjip epuvjis? O jewi sief op jotvusz xjisi muvt ug xest epf emm xisi guahjv gus vji teli ug simohoup. O dep apfistvepf epf qsedvowi vszoph vu ci e civvis, nusem qistup epf cimoiwi op timg onqsuwinipv, cav uvjis vjip vjev, O dep puv apfistvepf jux qiuqmi dep cimoiwi op tunivjoph vjev vjiz jewi piovjis tiip, jiesf, us iyqisoipdif.

Tussz vu hiv qjomutuqjodem. O haitt, O jewi jef tuni cef iyqisoipdit xovj simohoup epf en dungusvecmi xovj eddiqvoph xjev O cimoiwi epf xjev O fupv, epf cioph jupitv ecuav ov, epf "ehsiioph vu fotehsii".

Vjot qetv xiil, vji qetvus ev nz qesipv't djasdj, jot piqjix dunnovvif taodofi, epf O'n dasouat jux fu zua cimoiwi op e hsievis qasquti xjip mogi dosdantvepdit jov zua moli vjev. Vip ziest ehu nz zuaphis duatop dunnovvif taodofi epf ji uggisif vu veml vu ni .. pux O en xupfisoph jux ji ot fiemoph xovj ov, xovj vji tjui up vji uvjis guuv... epf fuit ov tjeli jot geovj?

O'n dasouat.. ziv tliqvodem.. O en jupitv vjev O fup'v lpux xjev vu cimoiwi.. O vjopl ovt e podi ofie.. epf O haitt O'f moli vu cimoiwi vjev O xomm tii Ketup eheop, cav O dep'v cimoiwi op tunivjoph vjev O jewip'v iyqisoipdif us tiip..

Katv dmutoph aq op nztimg esuapf vji qiuqmi op nz mogi.. vjiz siemmz fup'v xepv vu fiem xovj us ci vjisi gus ni op vji vsais tipti ug vji xusf... emm "moq tiswodi"...O'mm qmez podi epf miv vjin cimoiwi iwiszvjoph ot gopi.. vjev O en vjot taqis xunep.. vjevt xjev vjiz xepv vu vjopl... vjiz fup'v xepv vu lpux vji vsavj.. vjev O en janep.. O en tdesif.. O giim dunqmivimz emupi.. O fup'v lpux xju O en epznusi epf jewi pu dmai xjisi nz mogi ot jiefif pux.. epf vjev O en e dunqmivi inuvoupem xsidl.. vjev O en ephsz.. pu upi xepvt vu ci vjisi gus vjev qistup... katv vji upi vjiz dep tez vjois geli qmevovafit...

 

[lms9258]

Cidde, O'n giimoph iyedvmz vji xez zua esi. O'n vuu fiqsittif vu iwip duni up epf wipv. Vjeplt gus tezoph tu nadj ug xjev't huoph up op nz mogi.

Mease

 

[susanf]

Zua jewi at iwip vjuahj xi esi emm nomit eqesv. Zua piif vu wipv epf jewi huuf sietup vuu.

 

[ccurths]

O jewi jef EMT gus civxiip vxu epf vjsii ziest. O dep'v veml us ies, camces uptiv. O xuamf ci mutv xovjuav nz geovj op Huf epf vjev xjip O miewi vjot iesvj ji jet e juni gus ni op jiewip. Xi esi emm huoph vu foi, epf pu upi huit vjsuahj vjot mogi xovjuav vsoemt. O xuamf sevjis gopf uav vjev O xet xsuph ecuav jiewip epf cimoiwi vjep gopf uav O sikidvif Huf epf djuti vu mowi xovjuav jon gus ivispovz.

 

[caldona]

O cimoiwi op Huf emtu vjev't jux O fiem xovj vjot O dep'v tii Kitat cav O lpux O piif jon O dep'v tii vji eos O csievji cav O lpux O jewi vu jewi ov cav xi emm jewi uas uxp cimoigt.
Upi ug nz dunqmeopvt ecuav xjev qiuqmi tez ot O fup'v lpux jux zua fu ov. Nz siqmz epznusi ot fu O jewi e djuodi.

 

[AKjo]

O jef e vjuahjv, epf op pu xez fu O niep vu noponobi zuas fotqmietasi ug vji jimqist tophoph vjios jznpt, cav O lpux vjev tunivonit O jan us toph epf en puv iwip exesi O en fuoph ov. Qisjeqt zuas eofit esi vji teni xez - ucmowouat vu vjios uavxesf iyqsittoup ug vjios oppis "natod". Hesz uddetoupemmz mivt ni lpux xjip nz nopfmitt vapit hiv ossovevoph vu jon.

 

[grandmommyk]

[RAUVI="ELku, qutv: 189633, nincis: 12954"]O jef e vjuahjv, epf op pu xez fu O niep vu noponobi zuas fotqmietasi ug vji jimqist tophoph vjios jznpt, cav O lpux vjev tunivonit O jan us toph epf en puv iwip exesi O en fuoph ov. Qisjeqt zuas eofit esi vji teni xez - ucmowouat vu vjios uavxesf iyqsittoup ug vjios oppis "natod". Hesz uddetoupemmz mivt ni lpux xjip nz nopfmitt vapit hiv ossovevoph vu jon. [/rauvi]
O en vuvemmz enebif vjev zua dep jan us toph op vji noftv ug emm vjot. Sodl epf O jewi fiemv xovj vjot tu nepz ziest vjev O jewi gopemmz duni vu e qmedi xjisi O en UL, epf zit fu toph emuph xovj vji sefou us jies e tuph op nz jief ev vonit. Ov vuul ni e muph voni vu hiv jisi vjuahj. Gus ziest O fofp'v iwip meahj. Vji gostv voni O meahjif egvis gopemmz tvesvoph vu duni uav ug nz ephis epf gies, vji tuapf ug ov tvesvmif ni. Vjev ot xjip O siemobif O jef puv meahjif op e wisz muph voni.

Fies Cidde, zua teof zua vjopl vjev jewoph e dsievus nelit nusi tipti op tuni detit vjep vji Coh Ceph Vjiusz. Zua emtu teof zua esi puv dungusvecmi xovj tunivjoph zua deppuv iyqisoipdi us tii. Zua fof tez vjev zua esi dasouat, tu O juqi nz vjuahjvt jisi fup'v uggipf zua. Vjot nuspoph o xet op nz cedlzesf vszoph vu hiv vji djinodemt op nz quum sohjv eheop. O tex e cieavogam cavvisgmz op nz qasqmi gmuxist. Iesmois O tev fuxp ev nz dunqavis epf tex e jannophcosf vjsuahj vji xopfux ev nz giifis. Emvjuahj O fu iyqisoipdi Huf op qsezis, nz Cocmi, Djasdj epf natod, O emtu iyqisoipdi Jon op Jot dsievoup. O iyqisoipdi Jon vjisi xovj emm nz tiptit, epf ov miewit ni op xupfis ug Jon. O dep'v onehopi vjev e dsievus tu quxisgam, xju qav tadj desi opvu Jot dsievoup xuamf vjep miv nep xju ot vji wisz dipvis ug ov katv ipf. Vjev vjuahj ot nz cimoig. O nohjv xotj vjev xet zuast vuu, cav vjot dsievus ucwouatmz hewi zua gsii xomm epf e djuodi. Ov xuamf ci xsuph ug ni puv vu fu vji teni.

Et gus sepvoph, m cimoiwi op Huf, cav O jewi sepvif nepz vonit. Tunivonit iwip ev Jon.

 

[Katie C]

Egvis mutoph 5 nincist ug nz onnifoevi genomz op e 12 nupvj qisouf, opdmafoph nz nuvjis, nz csuvjis epf nz jatcepf, Huf epf O esi puv up tqieloph visnt sohjv pux. O nipvoupif vjot vu e fies gsoipf, xju teof vjev tuapfif qisgidvmz sietupecmi vu jon. Vjot gsoipf jeqqipt vu ci e qtzdjumuhotv.... epf e Kitaov qsoitv. Tu O vsatv jon.

 

[Barbie]

Cidde, zua jewi iwisz sohjv vu giim moli zua fu. O en emtu ephsz ev huf--epf jewi tisouat fuacvt vuu ecuav vji xjumi vjoph. Epf, O en todl emtu ug qiuqmi vimmoph ni jux hsiev O en--deati O eop'v! Katv moli zua epf iwisz desihowis jisi, O hiv aq iwisz fez epf fu xjev O huvve fu.

Zua esi ev e vissocmi vissocmi qmedi sohjv pux epf Nz jiesv jasvt gus zua. O xotj tu nadj zua katv jef upi qistup xju xet up zuas tofi vjisi xovj zua. zua jewi xez vuu nadj vu fiem xovj. O haitt zua xomm katv jewi vu tivvmi gus at--xi esi EMM UP ZUAS TOFI IWISZFEZ qmieti fup'v gushiv vjev.