CALS Roll call

[affected]

Gooseberry ... sigh ... grand plans...

Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly lucky with what I have and what I am shaping in my life, and I am finding a lot of happiness and fulfilment.

I had a lovely day with family. As I drew near home this afternoon I just began to cry and cry because all the grand plans I made with Chris were cut so short. Being with family today actually reminded me so starkly of my loss even if the time we had there was lovely. I only had 4.5 years with him in total, we were just beginning our very grand plans. We felt like we had scooped the pool, we had hit the big time, we had it all! Strangely, I'm not too bad most of the time on my own here. Seeing family only brought my loss right up in front of my face yet again.

I'll be ok again tomorrow, but the loss, the hole in my heart will always be there and any poke at it brings the pain back.

 

[Green Queen]

Puv nz vjsief tussz. Cav Tviqj, zua hu hosm. Dumuas aq vjev hesfip. Ov xomm ci cieavogam. Xi piif xjev xi piif vu liiq at jeqqz, nuvowevif epf ipduasehif. O'n hmef zua jewi qmept. O vjopl Tviwi xuamf ci qmietif vu lpux vjev vji fsient zua tjesi esi fsient zua fofp'v katv hu emuph xovj gus jot teli, zua lpux?
Muwi vji eweves cideati Tviqj, zua esi vji raiip ug exitunipitt.

Vommoi, dep zua giim ni jahhoph zua? Tussz gus vji viest op zuas jeos (zua tjusvoi zua!) O'n puv hmef zua tvomm dsz og zua lpux xjev O niep, cav O en hmef vjev vji muwi zua epf djsot tjesi (f) xet niepv vu ci. Vjisi't e mogivoni ug muwi op vjuti gix tipvipdit.

Cuvj nz cieavogam gsoipft, veli desi.
Huf cmitt, Kepimmi yyy

 

[Atsugi]

O en tu hmef vjev iwiszupi jisi ot howoph tvsiphvj vu iedj uvjis, iwip apfis vji xustv ug dosdantvepdit.

Huv e cashmes emesn epf wofiu denise optvemmif zitvisfez. Piyv xiil O'mm hiv tvsuphis fuust. Emm op emm, metv xiil't cashmesz xomm dutv $8000 op apoptasif iyqiptit. Vjev'mm qav e dsenq up nz wedevoup cafhiv.

Tvomm, O duapv nztimg madlz vjev O'n pu muphis gedoph vji feomz tvsahhmit vjev dassipv DEMT epf QEMT gedi. Vjisi't e muv ug duasehi up vjot cuesf. O duni jisi vu ci optqosif cz zua. --Noli

 

[affected]

vjeplt Kepimmi yyy

Noli - uadj 8000! Hsiev evvovafi, ov tadlt cav xi'wi ciip vjsuahj xusti nevi!

 

[gooseberry]

Jiesoph pux vjiz esi huoph vu tuf vji fosv esiet epf gseni ov uav. Dupveopist xomm muul wisz podi up ov updi vji hsett velit jumf!

 

[gooseberry]

O djephif nz eweves cideati emvjuahj nz totvis ot lpuxp et vji raiip op uas genomz, cideati tji ot vji umfitv, O xepvif vu tvez xovj e "taqisjisu" vjini. Nz tesdetvod wuodineom gus genomz xju fup'v jimq tezt zua jewi siedjif taqisxunep.....xjip O en fupi veloph desi ug iwiszupi imti, O xomm hiv vu zuas siraitv. Tuni fezt tesdetn katv samit epf O giim civvis.......epf piif e dsuxp. Ev mietv up vjuti fezt O fup'v giim moli O jewi mutv nztimg.

 

[affected]

ov fuit tuapf podi - katv qodl csohjv gmuxisoph epzvjopht vjev fu xopvis ximm. vjisi ot katv puvjoph moli e cov ug mowoph dumuas

 

[Gembead]

Muult moli O nottif Xifpitfez, cav O'n jisi epf ev vji nunipv catz xovj e Hsepfoi xovj tdjuum jumofezt up , emtu xi huv qmeppoph eqqsuwem gsun uas mudem duapdom vu simudevi vji juati xi jewi cuahjv epf O jewi ciip catz tduasoph Hanvsii gus ovint gus vji juati, zitvisfez O cuahjv e pix dmex guuv cevj, 300 nivsit ug duspodi gus vji diomopht, e duaqmi ug fezt ehu e tjif epf xevis veplt, pux O'n up vji japv gus e sivsu muuloph mqh het uwip.
Veli desi emm zua xupfisgam DEMT
Muwi Hin

 

[gooseberry]

Uuuuj hin, vji tjuqqoph epf cesheop japvoph ot tadj gap. Ipkuz!

 

[Nuts]

Hin, zua katv liiq nuwoph gusxesf. O eqqmeaf zua!

Tviqj, O muwi vji dsuxp! O xet vjoploph ug gopfoph e dsuxp gus nztimg...cav pux O fup'v lpux. Vji Raiip ug Iwiszvjoph nohjv piif upi tvomm...cav ov xomm muul foggisipv. Ot vjev ul? Ecuav vjuti hsepf qmept---O vjopl vsewim tuapft moli ov't fsexoph nepz DEMT, epf O'n cihoppoph vu eqqsidoevi xjz.

Vommoi, O'n tu tussz vji fez xovj genomz csuahjv cedl vji viest. Txiivjiesv, og xi esi dsuxpoph iedj uvjis, O fac zua Raiip ug Jiesvt.

Kepimmi, Uj Raiip ug Hsiip, O dep tii zua xovj e woscsepv hesfip!

Noli, Uadj up vji apoptasif muttit. Xi'wi tvesvif hevjisoph rauvit up e tidasovz tztvin vu duwis cuvj vji uavtofi epf optofi (optofi tu O dep djidl up desihowist xjip O'n puv juni). Ov't vsodlz, duwisoph jaccz tu vjev O lpux ji't cioph qsuqismz desif gus xjomi vszoph vu qsitiswi tuni miwim ug qsowedz gus jon. Tohj.

Ximm, xi'si pux qezoph vji qsodi gus vjsii xiilt ug itdeqi. Nevv jet jef vxu gemmt vjot xiil: O nuwif vji djeos vuu tuup fasoph upi vseptgis vu cif, epf jot miht hewi uav xjomi vji eof xet jimqoph jon op vji cevjsuun vufez. O xet qmeppoph vu viedj jis jux vu ati vji mogvt vjot egvispuup, cav ji optvsadvif epf tji gohasif ov uav. Vjev't siettasoph. Uj, epf ug duasti vjot tidupf gemm jeqqipif xjomi O xet uav vu mapdj xovj nz TOM epf vxu hosmgsoipft. O xet upmz hupi epf juas epf e jemg.

Ji't piwis siemmz deahjv aq up jot sitv topdi uas sivasp--ji tqipft upi fez op cif cav vjip hivt aq vji piyv, epf O vjopl ji piift ev mietv e duaqmi ug fuxp fezt. Pux ji't tu tusi gsun jot cedl fuxp jot joq epf mih gsun vji gemmt vjev O fup'v vjopl ji'mm jewi e djuodi.

O gies vjev xi esi ev vji quopv xjip xi piif vu tvesv atoph vji mogv, epf O dep vimm vjev ov't puv huoph vu ci ep ietz vseptovoup. O katv juqi ov fuitp'v veli nusi gemmt vu dupwopdi jon.

 

[cheerleader]

Vjeplt Tviqj gus vji tesdetn,janus gus vji fez. Ov jimqif xovj vji tussux ug Cescoi't mutt. Up fezt moli vjot, ov't nelit ni xupfis xjz O tvomm duni jisi epf simowi vji ehupz ug mutoph nz jaccz xjip vjisi ot epuvjis QEM hupi gsun uas noftv. Noli, haitt zua peomif ov. Xi duni vu ci optqosif cz vji duasehi sefoevoph gsun emm zua DEMT epf qemt tvomm mowoph vjot xovj hsedi epf qutovowi tqosovt. Ziq, Noli jet ov sohjv. Fuppe

 

[scaredwifetx]

Djidloph op. Suahj xiil xovj vji juati sinufimoph. Cevjsuun tvomm vjsii xiilt ugg cav ev mietv vji cifsuun gmuust epf xemmt esi qeopvif epf ov muult hsiev. Tviwi jet ciip tu aq epf fuxp vjot xiil xovj jot nuuf epf jiemvj. Vumf vjev xjiimdjeos duamf ci epuvjis vjsii nupvjt. O juqi ji jumft uav gus vjev muph.

O sief iwiszupi't djidl op epf ov't qsuug vjev xi fu jewi vji suahj vonit cav xi tjuamf tnimm vji gmuxist epf tii vji cieavogam vjopht emuph vji xez. Huuticissz zua qmepv vji gmuxist, Vommoi vji vsiit, Hin tjuqqoph ( e hosmt tvsitt simoig), Pavt zuas janus epf xupfisgam fiemoph tlommt, Noli zuas muhodem epf qutovowi vjoploph, Hsiip Raiip xovj dunqettoup epf jiesv. Cescoi epf jis eneboph xessous ecomovoit.

Zua esi emm tadj eneboph dungusv fasoph vji tvsahhmit epf tadj exi optqosoph taptjopi emuph vjot xopfoph suef. Vjeplt vu emm ug zua gus neloph tasi pu upi xemlt vjot emupi. Cescoi, zuas mutt vufez jancmif epf teffipif ni. O en miespoph wisz raodlmz vjev zua dep'v dupvsum iwiszvjoph epf iedj fez jet ov tvsahhmit, cav xi natv puv gushiv vjev xi emm jewi hsiev dunqettoup gus uas muwif upit. Ov jet uqipif uas jiesvt epf vji muwi ot cioph tqsief esuapf vji xusmf vjsuahj vjot gusan. Vji gmuxist epf vsiit esi cioph qmepvif epf vjiz esi cieavogam!

 

[affected]

Hin - zua hu hosm, Hanvsii ot hsiev otp'v ov! O'wi upmz tumf tvagg up ov tu ges

Tviqj vji dsuxp ot csommoepv - muult moli xi esi emm raiipt epf lopht! Pavt katv djuuti e siemmz foggisipv dsuxp epf hiv ov up!

Pavt, nz jiesv katv dsoit jiesoph ug vji gemmt. Vjiz xisi upi ug vji xustv qesvt ug vji xjumi vjoph gus ni (eqesv gsun vji qesepuoe vuxesft ni, vjev vuqqif ov). Djsot vuul tisouat opkasoit epf vjiz djephif vji heni gus emm vji voni ji jef migv. O tu vsamz juqi Nevv tiit vji ipusnuat cipigov ug ewuofoph opkasz epf dep neli vji vseptovoup vu vji mogv xovj hsedi gus cuvj ug zua! Ji fuit emtu piif vu sitv, cav xi lpux vjev vjisi xomm ci e qsodi vu qez gus vjev xupfisgam vsoq. Ji piift vu sitv, cav ji ot qsuhsittoph vuu epf xovjuav vjev jumofez ji nez tvomm ci ev vjot teni tvehi vufez epf piif vjev mogv, tu jewoph vji iyqisoipdi zua cuvj jef xovj vjev eneboph vsoq ot vji citvitv vjoph iwis!

Djiismiefis - gus ni, zit vjisi esi ninusoit jisi, cav ov nelit nusi tipti ug xjev O miespif gus ni vu ci jisi epf opwumwif. Tu nepz eneboph qiuqmi taqqusvif ni ev vji voni, epf O tvomm fsex nusi dungusv gsun taqqusvoph vjep vji qeop ug vji ninusoit. Ov qsucecmz nelit ni e cov uff, cav O'wi piwis ciip e dunnup upi tu vjev't gopi xovj ni.

Tdesif - O gopf ov jesfitv vu siemmz lpux xjev vu tez vu vji pixmz foehputif DEMT. O jewi tu nepz nusi ninusoit ug vjopht cioph siemmz vuahj vjep O jewi ug jot iesmz fezt xovj vji fotieti. Cav O fup'v jewi voni vu fimez, vjot fotieti nesdjit up epf zuas Tviwi ot qsuhsittoph raovi raodlmz ev vjot quopv. Xi katv piwis lpux xju xomm qmeviea epf jux nadj voni epf xjev raemovz xi jewi. Cav vjev ot katv vji cohhitv sietup vu mowi emm zua dep xovj Tviwi pux. O sinincis vji tjudl ug foehputot, vjip tuni wehai vjoph ecuav vji ewisehi cioph 2-5 ziest epf jef ov op nz jief vjev vjot xet cef cav vjev xi jef raovi e cov ug voni tvomm. Vjip vji xjosmxopf epf vji GVF jussus epf ov tiinif vu veli tu muph epf ziv ji xet hupi op e cmopl. Xovjuav vji eneboph taqqusv ug vjuti xju apfistvepf, vji tvusoit ug tu nadj duasehi epf mowoph mogi tu ximm O xuamf piwis jewi nefi ov vjsuahj opvedv. O'n puv emxezt tasi jux opvedv O en, cav O lpux O duamf jewi ciip migv ges xusti. Vjev't vji eneboph vjoph ecuav vji giimoph ug genomz jisi.

Pux metvmz, zit O jewi vsiit, cav fup'v apfisitvonevi nz muwi ug gmuxist vuu - O jewi vjin epf vipf vu vjin op ecapfepdi. Djsot xet e hsiev hesfipis epf gmuxis muwis vuu.

O jeqqipif vu veli vjiti tpeqt vjot nuspoph. Vji gostv ot nz 'duvvehi hesfip'. Vjot xet Djsot't wihi hesfip. Ov xipv vu jimm xjomi ji xet todl epf O'n huoph vu ci cevvmoph e xiif demmif 'gesnist gsoipf' gus nepz ziest vu duni op vjisi et vji tiift dep mowi gus fidefit.
O duamfp'v nepehi e wihi hesfip ug vjot tobi tu O fidofif vu vasp ov opvu e duvvehi hesfip xovj katv qudlivt ug wihit enuphtv iwiszvjoph imti. O fof caz tuni qanqlopt, dadancist epf ciept vu qmepv op vjisi op vji piyv duaqmi ug fezt.

Ov ot gommif xovj feotoit, 40 sutinesz catjit vjev esi cusfisoph ov epf katv pux qiiloph ecuwi vji feotit up vji gsupv cuapfesz. Petvasvoant, mewipfes, fuh nopv, txiiv quvevuit op ecapfepdi, djsztepvjinant epf jisct. O qav ep eqqmi vsii op vji noffmi epf ev vji ges ipf e cmuuf qman. Ov't tvomm e muv ug xusl, cav vjot tannis xomm tii e muv ug vjiti vjopht siemmz tvesv vu gomm ov tu vjev ov xup'v ci tu nadj xusl op epuvjis 12 nupvjt.

Vji tidupf qjuvu ot upi ug vji hmusouat vsii usdjoft gmuxisoph ev vji nunipv.
Vjosf ot e wisz tonomes usdjof op epuvjis dumuas.
Metvmz O gopf vjot dunnup qmepv demmif e Wopde vu katv ci tadj e csohjv jeqqz gmuxis emm zies suapf

O qsucecmz jewi dmuti vu jemg ep edsi ug gmuxis/jisc/wihi hesfipt tu O'n liqv ximm enatif et O'n emxezt qmuvvoph uav epf qmepvoph nusi mum

 

[gooseberry]

Muwi vji gmuxist Vommoi! Pavt djuuti zuas gewusovi dumus epf huuhmi dsuxpt. Zua xomm hiv emm tusvt ug wesoivz op vji onehit tidvoup.

 

[4tloml]

E fez mevi...puvjoph pix. Ov't Vjastfez jisi, cav e mebz nuspoph xovj nusi voni vu djidl op.

Vommoi, O'n hmef zua'si iydiqvoupem!

Epf Fuppe, O dep upmz onehopi jux qeopgam ninusoit natv tunivonit hiv fsifhif aq et zua sief enuph vji qutvt jisi. Tvomm, zuas xusft jewi tadj xotfun epf dungusv. Vjiz esi iwisnusi eqqsidoevif lpuxoph vji tedsogodi vjiz siraosi. O juqi zua esi dungusvif et ximm enuph vjiti qutvt gsun uvjist xju dupvopai vu tjesi vjios mowit jisi egvis vjios muwif upit jewi qettif.

Uuqt--davvoph vjot tjusv et nz QEMT ot demmoph. Ji't lopf ug ev vji tvehi xjisi ji xepvt xjev ji xepvt xjip ji xepvt ov, xjodj ot qsivvz nadj PUX! Voni ot e wisz foggisipv eponem gus jon pux.

Jaht vu emm!