My Mom has ALS and it seems to be progressing quickly

[misschrissyg]

My Mom was just recently diagnosed. She had symptoms when I was visiting her in July of 2013. I brought her to many doctor's appointments and they have finally diagnosed her with ALS. She has no use of her arms, is completely unable to move on her own, and her voice is worsening by the day. I fear it will be gone soon. I just flew home to Canada for a visit (I currently live and work in Korea), and noticed her voice was becoming much weaker by the day). I FaceTime with her everyday and our conversations are only growing shorter. We laugh and we cry a lot!
I'm having a very tough time dealing with being so far away from her. When I visited, and whenever we talk, I ask her if she wants me to come stay with her and be with her all day, everyday. She always says "No" and wants me to continue to live my life. I'm not sure how I would feel about myself if she passed away and I wasn't there. I hate seeing her in this condition and ever since I came back to Korea I've become distant from everyone, I cry all the time, and I become angry with my students easily. I also feel like I have nobody here to talk to. Not only are my friends very limited in Korea, I feel like nobody understands what it feels like to watch someone deteriorate the way they do with ALS. So, I'm asking those who understand for advice and help on the issue. I'm really having a difficult time coping. It's usually my mother I go to for this kind of advice!

Thank you for taking the time to listen.
I will also be reading other people's threads and posting responses as often as I can. I feel I can truly benefit from being apart of this community.

 

[John1]

Hi Miss Chrissy,

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. She does appear to be progressing quickly. If it were me, I would wrap things up in Korea and return to Canada to support your mother. I know nothing about your situation of course but if you can afford to, I'd go home. If things stabilize over the next several months you could consider returning to Korea, but usually progression rates are fairly constant from the outset.

 

[hjlindley]

Well, I have to say I agree with John. If the finances allow it I would go home immediately. This disease can move quickly and relentlessly. Do you have brothers and sisters at home in Canada? I was an only child and took care of my mom for the last year of her life, and I'm really glad I did. I know you make the right decision for the family but I wish it was one you didn't have to make.
Hollister

 

[TGB1]

Do u have any siblings who live near your mom - who is caring for her now? If u r able to - I think u should go home to her. U will never regret caring for your mother. Just my 2 cents.
Good luck.

 

[Barbie]

Your mom doesn't want you to change your life for hers...because that is what moms are all about. But your time with her is very limited and when she is gone you will be able to go back to Korea easily. I would go back home; you will never regret that decision and ultimately she will be glad you are there as well.

all my best,

 

[misschrissyg]

I have a 2 sisters and a brother. My brother is currently with his family in Germany, and I'm not sure if he's going to try to make it home. My sister lives just a city away and has a young son, but she pays visits to my mother about once a week. My oldest sister has a baby and lives in Oregon with her husband. I told my Mother I would come home whenever she wants. My stepfather and my mother's neighbour (and very good friend) are also willing to honestly tell me when I should be coming home. But, I just feel that maybe they aren't being completely honest with me. Does this make sense? I don't know, I just always feel so confused as to what I'm doing. I will discuss it further with my family. I am prepared to go home at any time. I think people are concerned that if I go home, my mother will think it's "the end".

 

[John1]

I'm not sure what it means that your family will "tell me when I should be coming home". If it means the end is near, then you will be too late to spend some quality time with your mother. You likely want to ask her all kinds of things and tell her all kinds of things but if you wait, she won't be able to talk.

 

[misschrissyg]

I talk to my mother everyday, and often times twice a day. Until I can be with her, I will be speaking to her via video chat as often as I can.

 

[teee]

It is hard for any of us to give you the advice you are looking for. Not everyone can stand to see there loved one every day or even once or twice a week battling this horrible disease. I was with my mother till the end, yes there were days where I would just stand outside her front door and cry before entering because I could not stand to see her suffering. Some family members were not there to support her because they did not want to see her suffering. It is awful just do what you think is right for YOU. As hard as it was then I am glad I got to spend those long 15 months with her I would not change that for nothing.